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My anxiety is rooted in the feeling of responsibility


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Everything seemed to go fine in the beginning. But then we heard that this replacement investment wasn’t going through. We couldn’t pay salaries and were desperately seeking for a new investor. We had a group of investors, a few of them signed up. Each of them was paying a large sum. One of those guys ended up being a fraud, which we didn’t realize at that time. One of them paid half the money and the other one just couldn’t pay. We went to other investors and they told us that the market changed and they were not longer interested. It is a little bit a mix of us not being experienced enough in raising money and the whole timing being horrible. The thing is, we hired people based on the fact that those guys put their signature on a contract. That really sucked. We just hired three or four extra people; we grew from a few people to almost ten. So, we were burning up our money that we still had faster because we knew the extra money was coming in. That never happened. All of a sudden, we were out of money. How did this happen? At this time, I was standing outside in the morning and just felt this huge pain in my chest. I thought it would go away, but it didn’t. I went home, but ended up in the hospital. I felt that there was an orange in my stomach. The doctors were worried that it would be something with my heart. They thought it might be a heart attack or something. It ended up being absolutely nothing. The doctors said that my heart was healthy, but that I must be super stressed out. I think for me the biggest reason for why I felt anxiety is the real feeling of responsibility. Another side is the feeling that what we do is important and letting down the idea would be horrible. It is what I believe in. It can be a big disappointment in life that you go after what you believe in with passion and then the world is so unfair that it doesn’t happen. That can be very painful. In this situation, my wife has been one of the big pillars; also my friends who I could talk to. I think I bored them to death with all my stories about what was happening. I really got it of my chest then. I also talked with my employees to keep them in the loop. That really created a close group of almost friends! They would also come up with ideas and different ways to approach the problems. But sometimes it is easier to talk to a complete stranger about it. I did that too. I would also look for guys that I respected in the industry and asked them for advice. In those moments, the anxiety that you have about doing the right thing is increased. You are second-guessing your own decisions constantly. That can be very healthy from now and then, but it can also be very paralyzing. Especially as an entrepreneur, it is important not to get stuck. Then you have to make baby steps. You have to actually get going and do stuff.

#employees #responsibility #expectations #community #friends #secondguessing #unfair #hospital #money

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